This is important. I think that somewhere in our human past, a direct link was created between the foot and the head. I am not a doctor, and I haven’t done any research, so I will assume it must be true. I will call this the Cold Feet effect (Cold Feet FX).
My evidence for the Cold Feet FX is that when my feet get cold, my whole body loses motivation. I also find that if my feet are in front of the TV, I can’t remember anything that anyone says to me. I have found that the Cold Feet FX is also more common in couples, often in late spring. When some couples talk about marriage, other couples will avert their eyes and change the subject.
I can be in the dumps one day and my wife will drag me on a walk and within minutes I am feeling better. I can feel all confused and gummed up, and after spending a few hours outside cleaning up the garage, somehow my head feels clearer. Give a young man a pair of warm socks and he is ready to marry his bride. Give your guests slippers, and the party will start.
In a study conducted last year*, the effects of cold on the foot caused a range of devastating effects:
- General anxiety regarding commitment
- Reluctance to engage in committed relationships
- Living together instead of getting married
- Avoidance of long term rental agreements
- Dislike of TV shows that last more than one season
- Continual switching between brands of personal care products
- Preference for living in climates with continually switching seasons rather than a Mono-season.
- Fascination with the U2 song, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”
- Some tendency towards a Unibrow
*The study last year was limited in scope, I was the participant. Please don’t write off the results as the ramblings of a lunatic. I am told that I am quite sane… at least that’s what I tell myself.
Treatment for the Cold feet FX has been found to include:
- Warm baths
- Cats or small children positioned directly over the feet
- Wool socks (but these can be scratchy)
- Blankies and a book
- A hug from someone you love
- Hot Chockie (Hot chocolate for those of you who live in warmer climates)
I hope that you are able to avoid the Smell of DeFeet. The Cold Feet FX is real and I hope that you use slippers or at least some warm socks this winter. Do it for yourself, and please do it for the next generation.
Keep it real.