My family bought a camping trailer and it made me feel young again. It’s like your big brother is right behind you making awkward noises, staring at you in the mirror and ready to flatten you if you do something stupid.
People say that they love having a trailer, it makes you feel more alive. Anyone will feel more alive when you have a 2000 pound steel box ready to crush you if you make a mistake. Driving a trailer invigorates you, you begin to imagine all of the places you could go with your camping box.
Driving forward is easy. All you have to do is open your eyes and push the gas pedal. Anyone could do that. Backing up, well that is scary as hell. Your mind plays tricks on you and you hear things that are not real, like scraping metal and screaming children.
Owning a trailer has taught me some things that I would like to share with you. Here are The 13 Things I Have Learned From Buying a Camping Trailer:
- Go slow, because you are old now. You have a box behind you that screams ‘old fart.’ You are now the person that other people pass on the road. They will smile and wave.
- Trust yourself but don’t trust your trailer. It is like a dog and will try and escape if you let it.
- Remember that you are married to the trailer. It has a ball and a chain. You will try to drive away but it will follow you. Make friends because this is a relationship.
- Make small turns unless you have a lot of insurance.
- Send a shout out to the Universe. Finally you have a damned bathroom that is guaranteed to be empty and will never be more than 10 feet away.
- Have some Tylenol with you. Backing up a 2000 pound steel box on wheels sounds fun, but it will give you brain-hemorrhoids.
- Wear sunglasses. This is so that other people cannot see you cry as you back in and out of the same spot 27 times.
- Loud music while backing up will help to cover any swearing that might occur
- Practice in the parking lot at the mall. Wear a helmet so people stay away.
- Have a back up buddy. They can help you with your blind spots and give you a few pointers. They are also a shock absorber in the event that you back up too quickly and are going to hit something behind you.
- Turn off your vehicle’s parking aid, unless if you like a high pitched beeping in your ears. For a moment, you will feel like you have Tinnitus. Welcome to my world.
- At first your trailer follows you and then you follow your trailer. That is the way of the world. Don’t fight it. There is a life lesson here, just sit with it.
- Owing a trailer will make you more spiritual. You will pray more and you will curse more. Try to pray more because that way you tip the scale. But don’t tip the trailer, there is no going back from that.
This is a second article in my series on camping, please see Camping and the Stories that Make Us.
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