Technology is great when it works well, which is as often as my teenagers listen to me.
My Windows just upgraded itself. I found out as I stared at a blue screen with one word on it: “Hello.”
At first I thought it was from Adele. Then I realized that my computer had upgraded. And then I panicked. Computers are the backbone of my life, like it or not, so I hate it when the system makes any changes. I get it that the computer needs to upgrade but upgrades are spelled “Confusion.”
Here is a list of things I hate to hear from my computer or from IT people:
- Enjoy your new features – When I hear this, I know what they really mean. “Your stuff will be hidden and it will take you weeks to figure out where everything is. Enjoy!”
- Operating system is down – Down to what? Down with funk? Down with global warming? An operating system can’t be “Down.” It is not subject to gravity. It can be powered off, interrupted or the code can be really messed up, but no, it’s not Down.
- It’s easy, just follow these directions – When I hear follow the directions from IT, I get up and make a pot of coffee and my journal. I know that I will have to invest hours and that numerous childhood feelings will come up.
- Your system needs an upgrade – The translation is “You are about to spend way more money or time than you ever imagined.” My doctor says the same thing, he just calls it “go for more tests.” Same outcome.
- You are missing a dll link – Okay. Is that short for Dillpickle chips? That’s as technical as I get. Okay, I’ll get two bags if I need to, but that is where I draw the line.
- Please enter the eleven digit security code – Panic sets in because I don’t have a great system to record my passwords. Uhh. What? Where? Uhh, did I write that down? Okay, is it the word “Eggsandwich11?”
- This product installs in 20 minutes! – The translation is that it will take you 20 minutes to realize you are out of your league. Plan for a day or a week, then you will be safe.
- Locate your UPC code – Please just scan my eyeball and take my oldest child. He get’s technology more than I do and he talks your language.
- Systems are not integrated – Now I get it. This is how I live my life. I have two teenagers so the systems never talk and they are never integrated. In fact, “Systems are Disintegrating” is one of the best ways to describe teenagerdom.
Photo by Vincent Brown