“It’s not my fault” is just one way to guarantee unhappiness in our relationships, our work and in life.
It’s probably the opposite of what you want in your life and in your relationships. It is easy to fall into patterns that lead to unhappy relationships and unhealthy dynamics in your life. There is no guarantee of relationship happiness. What we know is that if you practice healthy habits in a relationship, it can lead to greater satisfaction.
Unhappy relationships can teach us something about how to be happier and more healthy. What follows are the 10 Rules that Guarantee Unhappiness in any Relationship or Workplace.
1. It’s not my job to make myself happy: my job needs to make me happy or you need to make me happy. It’s your fault if I’m not happy all of the time.
2. I need your undivided attention. You should not have any interest other than me. If I am at work, the boss needs to always have my needs in mind.
3. You need to guess what I want and what I feel without me having to tell you. And you better be right.
4. Each of my sacrifices need to be rewarded. I need to be noticed and appreciated. All. Of. The. Time. You need to sacrifice to prove how much you care about me.
5. It’s your job to shield me from anxiety, worry, hurt or any pain. My job needs to be a refuge from stress. My company needs to take care of my needs.
6. Whenever I do something for someone, they need to be grateful and appreciative.
7. You will not be critical of me, show anger toward me or otherwise disapprove of anything I do. No one can be critical of my work. That is the end of the world for me.
8. You must be so caring and loving that I need never take risks or be vulnerable in any way. And my work is not a place where I want to make a lot of mistakes or be vulnerable. Learning new things is embarrassing and messy.
9. You need to love me with your whole heart, your whole soul and your whole mind, even if I do not love myself.
10. It’s not my fault. No matter what happens.
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Keep it Real
Adapted from Addictive Relationships: Reclaiming Your Boundaries (p.73), by J. Miller, 1989, Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc.
Photo by Johnathan Keelty