The Key to Understanding Your Daughter may be in her linear equations.
I was recently spending time with my daughter and reflecting on how different my two children are. My son and I connect over movies, music and talking about video games. Honestly, I don’t understand everything he talks about, but I listen to him because what he says is important to me.
He and I are also men and there is something that passes between men, something subtle and unsaid.
Daughters are more mysterious. My daughter and I connect differently. She is quiet and independent and likes to read. It can be a challenge to break through her quiet walls and have a conversation with her. Where my son is verbal and talks non-stop, my daughter needs to be caught at a moment when she is open.
It was one of those open moments when she was doing a math unit, Linear Equations. I was helping(?) her study for an exam and is struck me that there are some truths here about understanding our daughters.
The 5 Things You Need To Understand About Your Daughter
1.The x and the y-axis
The x and the y-axis is the point where two equal lines meet. One line is vertical, and the other line is horizontal. The middle point is referred to as the center. The x and the y-axis create a ‘graph’ that will give you a map.
My daughter said that the x-axis and the y-axis are like our world, everyone has a center and a map. Daughters need their fathers to understand their ‘through lines,’ the points of intersection. Every girl is different, but my daughter says that her family is the x-axis and her books are the y-axis.
My daughter and I have meaningful conversations when we are alone. I ask her about her books, her art, her friends, her music and her schooling. Her interests are her map and my questions help to uncover the territory.
Your interest and investment in her passions is the way to understand her heart.
Angles are everywhere and well-executed angles define our lives. A well-constructed home will have straight lines and good angles. If the angles are off, the home won’t feel right. Angles make the home unique.
Every girl has her angles – things that make her unique and special. Understanding what makes her special is a matter of asking and observing. For my daughter, she loves books about dragons and adventure, with plenty of explosions and action.
Your daughter may like other things but she will have her angles, things that make her unique and special, and she needs you to see them.
Sometimes daughters need help weighing things out, to see one side of an issue, and then the other. It can be tough because daughters need their dad’s not to fix things, and sometimes not even to help.
Daughters need a mix of presence, space to weigh the pros and the cons, and listening without trying to fix.
She lets you run beside her for a while, then she may push you away. Don’t take it personally. She still needs to hear that you love her, despite pushing you away.
For daughters, the parallel lines have hands attached. She will let you run beside her for a while, then she may push you away. Don’t take it personally. She still needs to hear that you love her, despite pushing you away.
It can be tough to know how much space to give to a daughter. There is no guide about how much she needs. My daughter’s answer to the question of “How much space do you need?” is “More!”
Daughters may need quiet presence, close enough that we can reach out for each other and far enough away so she feels that she can be her own person.
When things go south, you need to find ways to still honor the good in her. Daughters may not get into all of the stuff that boys get into, but when they make a mess of things, they still need to know that mom and dad are there.
There you have it, the 5 things you need to better understand your daughter.
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